Money money money

   I have worried about money for as long as I can remember.  And I am taking this time to try and stop that. Now, you might say, well Alie, if there ever was a time to worry about money, this is it. And for that validation and support, I thank you friends and readers.  But I have always worried about it. Always.
   The past year, Tad and I were making more than we ever have before and we own a home which means equity and I have a great job which I love and though I complain about my salary sometimes, I work at a nonprofit that has among the most generous of salaries in the city.  And Tad is guaranteed a job next year. Plus we have parents who live near us who help us with our kids, or house and who would never let us starve, lose our house or get the heat turned off. So really, what's the point in worrying so much?
   And though, before this change, we were living paycheck to paycheck, we were MAKING IT!  We were buying things and going out to dinner and getting groceries and paying all our bills.  And I had my three for five dollar undies all in a bundle because we weren't saving a lot. And what did I want to save for, you might ask.  I don't really need much. I don't wear diamonds, nor do I need an ipad or a wii fit. I'm okay with all my furniture, which is hand me down or rummaged (though we could use a new couch.  We have let Coen hop from couch to couch or "from couch from couch" as he called it, since he was two and suddenly he's almost seven and broke the leg off of the couch in his jumping. Let that be a lesson my friends.  Jumping on couches at any age is never a good idea.  But I digress) What I want is security.  But we're in a recession.  Do any of us really have security?  And can't I get security in having what I see as a good life, a great love, and the ability to laugh at almost anything?
    But the point, I'm getting to it...  When I was about ten years old I kept this Hello Kitty diary and in it, there is an entry I wrote when I was at a party with my parents. All the grown-ups were pushing each other into the hot tub with their clothes on and my diary entry is a major panic about my dad having money in his pocket when he was shoved into the bubbling water and what if it was ruined and how could we dry it and what would we do if it WAS ruined?  So its been a long history for me.  Why? Well, my parents owned a house and paid their bills.. We were never hungry. But money was an issue, I suppose. We were audited.  Maybe I picked up on it.
   When I was in high school I worked hard and saved money enough to buy a car for college.  And when I was a single twenty three year old, I put away money like nobody's business.  What for? I have no idea.  And in the Peace Corps I would constantly fret about money, even though DUH I was working for the government and they obviously wouldn't let me starve.  I was in the peace corps--a volunteer~ What was I doing worrying about money?  I wasn't even making any!
  And that brings us basically to the present.  I constantly balance, stress, worry, shift things from one bank account to another,  complain, feel like I'm not doing as well as I should for a thirty five year old with a master's degree.  And to what end?  It's a waste of time, worrying about it. 
  It balances out. I love my job.  If I looked for a job this instant that paid me what I want to be making, I might not love it.  I love our life. And what fun is life without crazy risks and big changes once in a while?  Anyway, there's that saying....grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to know the difference.  Sometimes its a blurry line, isn't it?  And I don't always know the difference, not right away. But damnit, I'm going to accept, accept, accept and then enjoy it.