Me-Time

There is a revelation I have come to lately.  I am a super-good multi-tasker.  I can get dishes, laundry and mopping done in one fell swoop.  I can talk on the phone and post a facebook status update (though my sister can always tell when I'm doing that). I have nursed a baby while reading another kid a bedtime story. I have planned a conference, made hotel reservations and participated in a teleconference all at once. I am fabulous at doing several things at once. But I am terrible at doing one thing at once.  Even when I'm watching TV at the end of the night, more often than not, I find myself pulling a project up on the couch with me so I can get something done. 

Both Buddhist teachings and all these parenting books I've been reading tell me this: Enjoy what you do. And do what you do with all of you.  I think some of my multi tasking is good, has even made me very successful at the things I do. But its not so good for kids.  So, therefore, I have been practicing sitting on the floor with Coen and giving him full attention as we construct Lego buildings, boats and houses and just listening to him talk is my reward.  I join Lucy on the couch as she "nurses" her babies and drags me back and forth from the playroom to the couch again to set up her fort with cushions and pillows.  My daughter sharing with me is also its own reqard.  But, I'm not saying its easy for me to do these things.  I'm working on it.

Tonight I'm in Madison for a conference. My friend in town is sick so I went to her house and made us dinner, we talked a bit and I left her to get to bed. Now I am going to go for a walk, purchase some sort of a desserty item just for me, maybe soak my feet in the hot tub, come back and veg out and do one thing at atime for the rest of the night.

A beautiful (well, this is a flexible word here) walk in the Audubon

My friend Amy and I made plans for breakfast and a walk in the Audubon.  These plans were hatched during those 60 degree sunny days we were seeing around here for a while.  Our day came and it was sleeting, raining, and 32 degrees. 

We met at her house and took her daughter to school, went out to eat at a Greek family restaurant in Brown Deer, and then poncho-ed up and headed over to the Schlitz Audubon Nature Center.  As we walked, our mittens and boots immediately soaking through and our dripping ponchos blowing in the icy wind, Amy looked at me and said, "You are my only friend who would go for a walk with me in this weather." We laughed.

After we got moving we warmed up as we talked and laughed. We even got to see two deer in the woods and huge crashing waves on Lake Michigan. Perhaps my favorite part of the whole experience was these two sets of geese, having some kind of honking stand-off. It was like West Side Story in the woods!  I would share the video, but I don't think the hilarity translates from my brain to the screen.

Friendship

In this year of change for my family, so many of my friends have been incredibly supportive.  I've had friends anonymously share with us. (Thank you Matthew and my wonderful *still secret* twelve days of Christmas crew) Friends give things to us that they thought we could use (Thanks Julia and Laura & Nick).  And countless friends who have been so supportive of what Tad is doing, asking about it and expressing happiness and excitement for him.
And this year of living simpler is winding down...only two and a half months to go, really. I remember when Tad and I first made the decision and how terrified I was.  But it hasn't been half-bad. And with the help of the great state of Wisconsin, wonderful friends and family and neighbors and coworkers who have been helpful, or generous, or just plain kind.  And through our own planning, scrimping, learning new ways of doing things... we've been just fine! 
I think now that we're used to the way we've been doing things, once we go up to two incomes and down a daycare payment, we'll be able to keep on going and actually put money away for the first time ever!

Last night I went out for margaritas (non alcoholic margaritas for me--which I guess amounts to a slushie) with my neighborhood friends.  We laughed and talked and commiserated on parenthood.  We did imitations of our own kids' meltdowns and rule infractions (which was hysterical).  It was a wonderful time...

So anyway, I intend a more comprehensive thank you blog post to happen in the end of May, but I've been thinking a lot of friends lately. Because I appreciate my own so much, and because of this:

Coen is seven, and now more than ever I'm seeing how friendship plays out in his life.  So a couple heartwarming things:
One: He has a friend at school.  He told me that he likes this boy so much that it makes his tummy hurt. 
Two: Another friend at school who doesn't have a sibling living at home with him told Coen that sometimes that makes him sad, but that Coen is his brother.  Coen told me, "Then we told each other that we love each other. But we're not going to tell anyone else at school because word would spread all over the school! That's private to us."  I heard from a parent that this same boy had hurt himself at recess and had to go inside for an ice pack and my Coen went in and sat with him for the whole recess.  Wow, my very own son...a real friend!  That makes a momma proud.

So I want to say thanks to my friends all over the US and in Estonia, the Netherlands, France, Chile and Germany too...just for being friends! Here's a photo of each member of my family...with some friends!

Cinnamon roll Sunday

Today I felt like baking.  Come on! Late Sunday morning.  A cold rain is falling. My kids are playing Legos quietly at the table. What better time to bake.  So I made homemade cinnamon rolls with cream cheese icing.  The recipe is a mix of recipes that I found and altered to my own liking.  Here it is:

Rolls

2 t bakers yeast
1 cup warm water
(mix together and let sit for a few moments. then add:)
1/4 cup sugar
dash of salt (mix all that together, then add:)
1/4 cup canola or veggie oil
3 cups flour
(let sit for 15 minutes or so after you knead it all up)
Then roll it out to a 15 by 8 inch rectangle and sprinkle with cinnamon sugar mixure

Filling

1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup brown sugar
3 t cinnamon
1 T butter melted

Roll the whole thing at the wider end and cut into about 1 inch (or a bit more) rolls.  Put in a greased cake pan and let sit for 45 minutes to rise, then bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes.  Then frost!

Frosting

3-4 T Cream cheese
3-4 T butter
1 t vanilla
 a little milk
enough powdered sugar to make it frostingy (sorry about this. I never use a frosting recipe..just eyeball it until its at the texture I want!)

Serve warm and WOW they are good!!

Coen said this, after tasting his (I was still in the kitchen): "Whoah! Mom's going to love to hear this!" Comes running into the kitchen.  "Mom! These are even better than Alterra's!"

Now, Alterra cinnamon rolls are almost Coen's favorite thing in the world.  That's a pretty nice compliment!
Happy rainy Sunday.

A rainbow books kind of day

Currently Lucy is napping. Well, I should be more clear. She's up in her room engaging in enforced rest time which involves her calling downstairs periodically with the claim, "I woke up!"  I'll go get her in 1/2 hour.  Coen and Tad are outside, Coen riding his scooter, and Tad walking alongside him with a mug of cooling coffee.

I am writing my blog (obviously) and eating a spoonful of peanut butter decorated with chocolate chips. Nice, right?

Recently we donated Lucy's old crib to our neighbor who is expecting her third child.  In thanks, she and her husband gave us a gift card to Four Corners of the World Fair Trade store and Rainbow Booksellers as well as a bag of coffee!  I think they probably could have bought a used crib instead but we were so extremely appreciative.  And the coolest thing about that gift was that all of it is from places run in our community, fair trade and otherwise.  So yesterday, Lucy and I did a little fair trade shopping.  At the fair trade store, I was talking to the clerk and she knew who our neighbor was who gave us the gift certificate and commented on how supportive her family is of local wares. 

We brewed the coffee this morning (mmmmm) and drank it while the kids watched Winnie the Pooh's Grand Adventure

I think after Lucy is up from her (non) nap, we'll head down to Rainbow booksellers and let each kid pick a book out.  It seems like that kind of day.

Thanks to my wonderful, super community conscious neighbor if you are reading this...and even if you are not...I'm sending it out.  Because as we told Coen at dinner, what we send out...it comes back.

Happy Huge Moon tonight everyone!

Blueberry? Pancakes....

One of my favorite money saving things is to make a lot of food and then freeze it for later. 

For Christmas a very good friend of mine, Brian, gave Tad and I a supersaver food shrinkwrapping system to help us out with that endeavor. 

So I have made tons of soups, stews and mixy casseroley things, all that can be eaten for days or eaten once and the rest frozen for later.

One thing I really have enjoyed is making a slew of pancakes on Sunday mornings and then freezing all the leftovers for easy before school breakfasts.  Just pop a frozen pancake in the toaster and voilla! You have breakfast in minutes.  A lot of times when I make pancakes I'll add blueberries (just to mine)  The kids don't like blueberries in their pancakes and Tad doesn't eat pancakes.

Recently, when I make Coen one of the frozen pancakes for breakfast, he exclaims in horror that he can TASTE blueberries!  The first time I indulged this notion, thinking that maybe I accidentally got a bit of blueberries on the extra pancakes.  Then it happened again! He jumped out of his seat and ran to the bathroom to spit out chewed up pancake. Come ON!  I was pretty sure in this batch there had been no blueberries.  Now I have a back stock of frozen pancakes that it seems futile to try and give Coen for breakfast.  Looks like I know what my breakfast will be for a while!

Sheesh!

Rough week!

Wow, my last post was almost a week ago!
Tad is all better and taking his written Montessori exams this week. Tomorrow is his last set of exams and I have a cake in the trunk of the car to surprise him with when he gets home.  Coen is the only one who knows about and Tad doesn't read my blog unless I sit next to him with the laptop open and show him!

So Monday through Wednesday I had to sit through three days of  7 and a half hours of powerpoint on the Americans with Disabilities Act AND the Americans with Disabilities Amendments Act.  Sheeeeesh.  Those of you who know me know that I am not good at sitting still. At all.  Aside from that 22.5 hours of sitting and listening, I had to work until 8:30 on Tuesday and Wednesday nights. And today I had a dentist appointment.  And if you go back to my early posts you will see that I really really really really do not like going to the dentist.

And Tad's had exams.

Tough week. But tomorrow, ah tomorrow I am off work and home with my little girl.  I have plans with a friend for a nice long walk and talk.  And Tad will be all done with written exams.  We're going to let Coen stay up late and watch 'The Fantastic Mr. Fox' and eat popcorn.  And then we'll put him to bed and celebrate!

By celebrate, I mean spend an hour (or however long we can stay awake) together and talk about nothing that has to do with children, Montessori education or work.

Oh and p.s.  Happy Springlike weather to you all! I drove my car with the windows down and sang at the top of my voice today and it was wonderful.

Lights, Camera, Activism!

Well, Tad is sick. He doesn't get sick very often but when he does, he really does!  I've become a full-time(ish) single parent just for the short term.  I already have been taking over a lot of day long excursions, etc. with the kids on my own because of Tad's workload at school.  But now he is WAY out of commission.  So Wednesday, the day his fever spiked, I made sure to be in charge of them all night so he could go to bed at 6:00. 
Yesterday it was clear he wasn't any better, so I decided to keep the kids out of the house until bedtime. I pondered a lot of options.  Going to my sister's? She's sick too.  Hanging out with my parents?  They had dinner plans (which they generously invited us to).  We sat in the car of Coen's school parking lot and I scanned facebook feeds on my phone to see if anyone had any exciting Budget related plans.  It turned out there was a rally at the Milwaukee County Courthouse and Jesse Jackson would be there to speak.
So the kids and I went to my parents' house (where they were not) and I made dinner (previously packed at home before I left to pick them up).  We watched PBS and ate yesterday's leftovers. Then we stopped at Sendiks where I bought each child a large cookie.
Then the three of us headed over to the courthouse where we rallied.  I'm really glad we did.  That afternoon when I picked up Coen he burst into tears and said, "Scott Walker is taking away health care and if Ms Rita gets sick she won't be able to go to the doctor!!"  I set him straight and tried to explain as best I could why some people are upset with Scott Walker. Apparently lots of kids at school are talking about it!  Anyway, Coen and Lucy and I sat on the steps of the courthouse, snuggled up in our winter coats.  We got to see Highland teachers--Mr. Barry and Ms. Carly.  We saw my neighbor, and the Reverend Jesse Jackson.  Coen seemed moved by the speeches, the parts that he understood.  I was pleased to be there and be part of it, with my kids and my community.

Up-Cycling

There is not much I enjoy more (as a purely selfish activity) than resale shopping.  Last week Thursday, I received my expense check at work which covers things like mileage, perdiem, hotel stays, etc... It turned out, because of two business trips last month, to be a  biggie!  After using most of it to pay my credit card bill, I still had some extra.  And oh boy, was I irresponsible.  I went resale shopping.  So as I hang my head in shame, for breaking down and shopping for me and me alone, I thought I'd still share with you my three FAVORITE re-sale boutiques.
 Retique, at 190 N. Broadway is a Goodwill Industries store.  It has Goodwill prices with boutique style.  The clothing and jewelry at this location are handpicked so that you don't have to sort through yourself. I love it! 
 Then there is Re-Threads at 2943 N. Humboldt Blvd.  Re-Threads is all recycled and previously owned items, as well as vintage clothing.  I ADORE this store.  This was the site of my indiscretionary shopping trip last week.  I spent a whopping $40 and purchased: a grey handknit sweater poncho, two short sleeved tops that can be worn over a long sleeve t-shirt or on their own, depending on the weather, a pair of plaid pants and a pair of greenish dress pants.  Come ON! It doesn't get any better than that!  My wardrobe feels new again. 
 Finally, there is U-Turn, near my own neighborhood at 6905 N. Avenue, Wauwatosa.  U-Turn not only has handpicked consignment clothing and shoes, but handmade purses, jewelry and other items made by local artisans. 
  Just thought I'd share. If you wanna shop-shop re-sale! It's cheaper, it's greener and its WAY more fun!


Re-Tique in the 3rd Ward



Re-Threads on the East Side



U-Turn in Wauwatosa

Oh, parental betterment.

Well, since Tad has been in school, especially now--as he has only three months left and the most unimaginable pile of work, painting, writing, studying, and lesson practice imaginable--I am spending a LOT of time with the children alone.  In fact, this evening, when both kids were clamoring for me-Lucy to have me hang with her in the bathroom while she used the toilet (she's new at this) and Coen to have me help him unstick several legos-Tad started singing "Single Mom Boulevard" to the tune of the Kink's Hollywood Boulevard.

So I've noticed lately that I seem to have lost myself a bit.  I look back at my pre-mom self and I remember how I used to be SO laid back.  I was so RELAXED!  I laughed ALL the time. I had fun almost all of the time. With my friends' kids, I was willing to march around singing, dressed in robes and hats with my face painted by a five year old, pied-pipering all over the house for hours.  What happened to my energy? Now I'm sometimes so tired, I feel like I can't even pretend ANYTHING!  And I get a little impatient, I get a little mad...okay, I get a lot of those things.  And I don't like it.

I've never been big on reading books on how to parent.  I didn't care what to expect when I was expecting. I just figured it would happen how it happened and I would deal.  But I feel, these days, I could use a little push.  So I'm reading a couple books about dealing with power struggles with kids.  This seemed to be the best route because the most painful and difficult part of my life, I am not kidding, is GETTING COATS ON TO LEAVE THE HOUSE IN THE MORNING.  This activity makes me want to hang myself up by my toes from the rafters in the garage and scream my face off.  I am serious.  

Anyway, these books have been helpful. The most helpful thing I have learned is that my getting mad at the kids for not wanting to get out the door as fast as I do in the morning is about ME and my agenda and has nothing to do with them. Also, I realize that I do my absolute best parenting when I am connecting with my kids.  If Coen is refusing to take some disgusting medicine and what I really want to do is sit on him and pour it down his throat....instead I sit down and tell him about a medicine I hated when I was a kid.  He loves the story and then over the connection, I can reason with him about taking the stuff so he feels better.  Just an example.   So I'll share with you this list of questions to ask myself (and you, reader friend, if you have kids or even if you don't..this prolly works with your friends and partners too) what you can ask yourself when you have power struggles with your own:

• Stop. Breathe. Walk away if you need to
• Detach from the situation
• Notice what your own agenda is
• Acknowledge your feelings
• What are your assumptions?
• Don't take it personally!!!
• Change your perspective...what is my kid's agenda?
• Be positive
• Look at the kid's behavior -- What is this behavior telling me?
• Reach across the gaping hole of frustration between us and CONNECT!

There you have it.  I have this taped to my fridge. I am working on being more fun, more MYSELF as a parent so I can be a better one. Wish me luck!

I got a hair cut...it looks like you got 'em all cut! badum-bum

I have heard many a friend of mine relaying stories of their spouses or partners complaining about how much they spend on hair.  Hair cuts, hair dyes, touch ups, bangs...  Why, just yesterday my sister got bangs!  And my girlfriends, at a recent dinner, told us about how much a cut and dye is: $80-$150, sometimes even more!!!  I asked a variety of friends how often they go and the answers seem to vary between every two to four months.  That is large money indeed.
So since our new income has descended upon us, we have felt that haircuts are a frivolity that we can go without for now.  My hair has gotten very long since August.  So has Tad's. And the childrens'.  Here's the thing, though...  The same people who spend large quantities on their own hair, often report that they take their kids into places like Cost Cutters where haircuts are no more than $10-15.  Tad and I prefer the Cutting Room for our kids hair.  They charge $25 a hair cut. No matter how old you are. 
The Cutting Room is located on Farwell avenue, right by Landmark Theater.  Here's the thing that is great about it.  You know Beauty? The top salon in Milwaukee?  You pay $75 JUST for a haircut there, for one of the top stylists...$50 at the least.  But at the Cutting Room..You get a stylist FROM Beauty for $25. They do a great job.  The catch? You can't make an appointment or request someone. It's walk-in only. But they're all good. And they even have booster seats for the children.
  Now the other day, Tad and I were lucky enough that my mom couldn't take how long Coen's hair was any longer and took him to get it cut! No-my parents always offer to take the kids for haircuts-on them.  It is wonderfully generous.  Here they are getting their haircuts!

So we are very lucky to have such generous parents, who took our kids for their haircuts.  Just for fun, though, I did a cost analysis on annual haircuts for a family of four who gets haircuts in the typical fashion I described at a fancy salon, and the way we do it.  Just to see if we're coming out even. (obviously I'm making a lot of assumptions here).

"Normal" family of four (assuming 1 person dyes)        Us
Adult #1- Cut and color 4X a year                             Adult #1 - Cut 2X a year (color from a box)
$400                                                                          $65
Adult #2 - Cut 3 X a year                                          Adult #2 - Cut 2 X a year
$120                                                                          $50
Children - Cut 3 X a year each                                   Children -  Cut 2 X a year each
$60                                                                            $100
TOTAL=$580                                                           TOTAL=$215

So, I may be WAY off, but I'm going to operate under the blissful assumption that I am saving HUGE money, because of our partial frugality, haircutting infrequency, even offset by our more expensive childhair cut taste. 
Here's to taking a little off the top! Whaaa whaaaaa!